Sunday, August 16, 2009

Good Stuff?

Dear Good Stuff LLC,

Let me begin by saying my son and husband are a fan of the claw machine at our local Friendly's restaurant. MANY, MANY, MANY dollars have been spent trying to win adorable yet poorly constructed stuffed animals. I believe his college fund may have even been tapped for this purpose. On our most recent trip my son won a stuffed moon for his baby sister. He named him Moony. Moony is much loved. Moony goes everywhere with our family. Moony, unfortunately, appears to be in a constant state of arousal....

Who at Good Stuff LLC thought that a moon with legs would be cute? I find it hard to believe that no one, from the coffee fetching intern to the company executives, acknowledged or noticed the phallic nature that is Moony. He even has a scowl...he's horny AND angry. He makes me want to cover my children's eyes. If this pornographic, celestial stuffed animal got the ol' thumbs up I shudder to think what didn't make it off the drawing table. Breasty Bear? Pink Taco Paco? Whorey Whale, complete with embroidered lips around her blow hole?

However, because of my son's love for this toy (along with his pride for winning him) I have decided to embrace Moony. In fact, I was hoping that Good Stuff LLC would create a Moony accessory kit. Perhaps a wife beater, a cigarette and a can of budweiser would complete the look? Maybe a long, dirty trench coat? Or how about a baseball hat that says, I HEART ASS-TROIDS (a clever play on the whole moon theme)?

I have enclosed some pictures of Moony lounging about our house like some dirty old man. Please present these pics to your designers and ask them what drugs they were smoking when they sketched out this gem. Who knows, maybe that conversation will prompt them to dream up...oh,I don't know...Krack Pipe Kitty?

Wishing your company better judgement,

Kim Swed
Mother and Reluctant Moony Owner

1 comment:

  1. I have tears streaming down my face. This is so funny. It's like an episode of Seinfeld.

    P.S. What is it with The Claw? It's like the human bug zapper or something--so drawn to them are we.