Friday, January 16, 2009

Zit Update

For those of you who have asked about the status of my zit...
It's putting up a good fight. It's currently at 50% mass. I have to give it credit, it has stamina. But I will win...I will win.

Battling Childhood Addictions

I was talking to the mom of one of Collin's classmates. I explained to her that we are having a challenge with Collin's new found love, video games. It's like he's an addict and can't get off the stuff. He gets moody when you interrupt his play and when he asks you to help and you don't do it right, look out. And we're talking educational Leap Frog games too! Yesterday he lost his mind and yelled at me for losing his guy. Of course I pulled the plug and sent him to his room. I decided he needed to purge this evil from his system. He needed to go cold turkey.

Today he is a new child. He's rediscovered his tinker toys and has built all sorts of "inventions". He's been kind, polite and patient. However, his second love, TV is on in the background. I don't think he gets too absorbed into it. It seems like he checks in with it here and there. It's more like a cerebral pacifier. I do realize that I probably shouldn't allow this but I don't think it's all bad. The other day he told the kitten to get off the table in a loud and deep voice. I told him that wasn't very nice and he says,"I'm just being assertive". I'd like to take the credit and say that I walk around here all day spouting large, smart, educational words but come on...I asked where he learned that word from and he said,"TV". See, some educational value.

Now I do worry when he hands me something and says,"but wait there's more" or when I say we'll go to the store later and he says,"better act now". Last week he told me that we need the As Seen on TV door draft guards. I told him I wouldn't buy them and he said in a judgemental tone ,"ok, but you're throwing pennies out the window." I bet he wants to be Billy Mays for Halloween. I'm too afraid to ask. Ok, maybe I will concede that some limits need to be set but I can only handle one battle at a time.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Merry Zitmas to Me!

I know you see it. You know you see it. And now you know I know you see it. I want to address the elephant in the room. My holiday zit, here on extended vacation. Every Christmas it arrives in time for family photos and gatherings and sticks around for the New Years celebration. I thought perhaps I got lucky this year when I woke up on Christmas with my face unadorned. However, that was short lived. At least it arrived after Christmas, after the photos had been taken. haha! But I will tell you, what it lacked in timing it made up for in intensity and duration. I believe it's here for the long haul.

This is no pimple. Pimple are tiny, pesky and passing. Pimples rhyme with simple and dimple. This is a zit! Even the word sounds harsh, mean and angry. There's no covering it up. I started to wear a turtleneck today until I realized that it actually framed the zit. I decided instead to wear something low cut to draw the eye down and away. It's really the best solution I could come up with. I'm fighting it with everything in my arsenal. Slowly, bit by bit, I think I'm winning some battles. But I've yet to win the war. If you see me this month don't say,"oh, it's not that bad" or "I hardly notice it" I'll know you're lying and I won't appreciate it. Just acknowledge it, maybe nod and say hello to it and then we'll carry on with normal conversation. We'll both be more at ease once we've addressed the big, fat, no good, elephant in the room.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Reflecting on Tradition

I was cleaning out our spare room when I came across this letter to my Aunt from last New Years. Here is an excerpt:

Hi there!

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season! I wanted to thank you both for your kind words about both Collin and our new home.

We all had a great Christmas with one exception (it's the same exception every year), the dog...Mr. Bojangles. Every Christmas Eve Brian buys his mother Godiva Truffles and leaves them within dogs reach while we go out. And every Christmas Eve Bo finds and eats all 18 Godiva Truffles. When will they both learn? The scene that plays out when we get home is always the same. Brian yells at the dog for being so stupid, calculates how much money Bo just cost him and inevitably utters the phrase,"I brought you into this world and I can take you out!" I have to believe his dad used this phrase alot and this must be a knee-jerk response to anger because while Bo does appear to have my blue eyes and Brian's dark hair he is not biologically ours. Anyhow, while he is screaming I am setting up my cleaning products because we both know that Brian will pretend to be asleep while Bo is throwing up and I will be the one cleaning it up throughout the night and into the early morning. So while everyone is peacefully sleeping on Christmas Eve I am cussing and cleaning up what can only be described in both smell and color as hot cocoa vomit, or as I have come to call it....
hot "Bo"coa. I have to admit that over the years I have become resigned to it and have even begun to consider it another cherished family tradition. Brian, however, gets angrier and angrier. Perhaps he is angry at himself and his apparent inability to stop this occurrence.....

I go on to write about our son, parents, blah, blah blah...

the point is this,

After reading this it occured to me that we didn't buy the truffles this year, hence no hot "bo"coa. I know I should be ecstatic but it sorta saddened me that another holiday tradition has fallen by the wayside. What's next? My holiday zit (which rivals Rudolph's nose) won't show up? No holiday party in which I make an ass of myself? Never losing my credit card at least twice while shopping? These are the unwelcomed traditions of our family but they are expected, dealt with and then laughed about. When they are gone something seems amiss. Then again, maybe I won't miss the zit.

P.S. I also realized that our dog requires more maintenance and bodily fluid clean up than our child.

The Foam Monster

It's 9:30 am and I should be at the gym. Everyone who saw me pregnant with Collin 5 years ago knows I should be at the gym. I want to have only a baby bump this pregnancy. It actually hurts to look at those old baby shower photos. I looked like a tick left undiscovered on a dog for several weeks, engorged. I will NOT let that happen again!!!

I have to pat myself on the back though. Until recently I have kept up my spinning and body pump routine. I say recently because my sleeping (or lack there of) has rendered me useless on some mornings. Last night's debacle included only 1 bathroom break but a string of nightmares. The last nightmare I remember is Brian, myself and a group of strangers getting arrested in a foreign country. I don't know what we did but I remember frantically scraping price tags in foreign currency off of DVD's, scattering cat food and hiding my passport. What kind of sick and twisted scam were we into? It's a bit concerning but no matter, I think I have the solution to my restless nights...enter, The Foam Monster.

This baby is going to give me the rest I've been missing since my belly's popped out. I can't get into the specifics of The Foam Monster for legal/invention stealing purposes but let's just say it involves 6 feet of foam, an electric turkey carver, someone's objective measurement of my belly and of course, most importantly, minimal dignity. Brian is concerned with the whole "is this safe?" aspect. He thinks I should be consulting a doctor, maybe a chiropractor or at the very least an engineer. Meanwhile, Collin won't go in my room alone. Apparently six feet of green foam standing on end against a wall is a little intimidating (a problem for my marketing department). But we all know that with Mr. Bojangles' current problem (see previous post)there's no way I can risk laying down green foam, with a hole in it no less!

Well, off to Kmart to buy a turkey carver. As for exercising, I promise myself that I will do Kegel exercises all the way there and back. If I do enough of them maybe one day I won't have to cross my legs everytime I sneeze. Something to shoot for.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Lucky You

I have never considered writing a blog before. And I have never made a New Years resolution before. Oddly enough, I have decided to make a New Years resolution to write a blog. Why now, you may ask? Well, with another baby on the way I'm afraid all the little things that happen every day that crack us up, amaze us and give us our "ah-ha" moments might get lost in the chaos. It may be nice to have a place to reflect and laugh about it all. Not to mention, sharing those tiny details of our life with friends and family will keep us close in heart.

You may wonder why this first post is entitled Lucky You. You, my friend, get to hear about the current stressful situation that has occupied my every waking moment for the last two weeks...Doggy Diarrhea. Mr. Bojangles is in a terrible state. And while I do feel bad for him I feel even worse for me. I never know when, where or on what. I walk around the house like a detective sniffing for clues. Busy carpet patterns only add to the confusion with their poop camouflaging ability. Damn them. The worse part is Bo thinks he's helping by going on the area rugs instead of the hardwoods. I can only conclude he thinks they're a type of indoor grass or something.

But I will tell you that he has never eaten better in his whole life! Everyday I make him boiled chicken breast and rice in hopes to control the uncontrollable. I've never seen him so excited at mealtime. I'm starting to wonder if he's putting two and two together. In fact, I tried to give him some Imodium AD and he resisted as if to say,"what? and ruin this gravy train?".
Ok, maybe there's no diarrhea conspiracy on his part, I'm just losing it. Spend all day walking around your house with your finger on the stain remover trigger like you're the Sh!t Sheriff and your thinking would become a little skewed too.