Wednesday, January 7, 2009

The Foam Monster

It's 9:30 am and I should be at the gym. Everyone who saw me pregnant with Collin 5 years ago knows I should be at the gym. I want to have only a baby bump this pregnancy. It actually hurts to look at those old baby shower photos. I looked like a tick left undiscovered on a dog for several weeks, engorged. I will NOT let that happen again!!!

I have to pat myself on the back though. Until recently I have kept up my spinning and body pump routine. I say recently because my sleeping (or lack there of) has rendered me useless on some mornings. Last night's debacle included only 1 bathroom break but a string of nightmares. The last nightmare I remember is Brian, myself and a group of strangers getting arrested in a foreign country. I don't know what we did but I remember frantically scraping price tags in foreign currency off of DVD's, scattering cat food and hiding my passport. What kind of sick and twisted scam were we into? It's a bit concerning but no matter, I think I have the solution to my restless nights...enter, The Foam Monster.

This baby is going to give me the rest I've been missing since my belly's popped out. I can't get into the specifics of The Foam Monster for legal/invention stealing purposes but let's just say it involves 6 feet of foam, an electric turkey carver, someone's objective measurement of my belly and of course, most importantly, minimal dignity. Brian is concerned with the whole "is this safe?" aspect. He thinks I should be consulting a doctor, maybe a chiropractor or at the very least an engineer. Meanwhile, Collin won't go in my room alone. Apparently six feet of green foam standing on end against a wall is a little intimidating (a problem for my marketing department). But we all know that with Mr. Bojangles' current problem (see previous post)there's no way I can risk laying down green foam, with a hole in it no less!

Well, off to Kmart to buy a turkey carver. As for exercising, I promise myself that I will do Kegel exercises all the way there and back. If I do enough of them maybe one day I won't have to cross my legs everytime I sneeze. Something to shoot for.

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