Monday, August 17, 2009

Louse-y Job

I was searching the phone book today looking for the number to my son's new school...I was in the S's. A search heading caught my eye, SCALP SERVICES. Scalp services? Huh? What constitutes a scalp service and who needs it? I immediately thought of the Native Americans of long ago- but no that wasn't it. Well, well, what have we here...Lice and Nit Removal Service?!

Really? A real business that employs real people to pick real parasites out of other people's hair? And what of the employees? It took a minute for it to sink in that they had to seek out the position, contact the business, request an application (hoping that they, above all others, would be hired) and sit through an interview professing their desire to dig into the infested heads of strangers. Who were their references and did they brag about their nit picking experience in the interview?

I thought for certain that this must be the only lice removal business EVER. I mean, come on! I jumped on the internet and lo and behold...franchises! For a $25,000 franchise fee I could own my own "exciting and unique" business and meet "exciting and interesting" people. I've never had lice and (up until this point) had considered myself lucky but according to them I'm just too boring.

Personally, I think they could have done a better job of enticing others to join the ranks of lice and nit removal business owners everywhere. Maybe something like this...

Want to meet exciting and interesting people? Enjoy the shiver of the heebie jeebies? Yearn for the thrill of the chase while invading the personal space of another? Want to feel like a cowboy of your own tiny rodeo? If you answered 'yes' to these questions then the challenging career of Lice and Nit Removal could be for you.

FACT: Evolution tells us that lice want their baby nits to be nestled in a hair of opportunity. Only the most charismatic and intriguing scalps will beckon this picky parasite. The locks of the mundane offer little appeal to the louse.

Just think, their exciting host today, your awesome customer tomorrow!

With every customer you're guaranteed hours (2 hr. minimum appointment) picking not only the scalps but the minds of some of the world's most thrilling people!

However, as with any job, it's not all glitz and glam. Occasionally a louse might be misled and accidentally inhabit the hair of someone less than exciting; dare we say boring. Those with a "can do" attitude will pass out his/her business cards and use this as a great networking opportunity.

The perfect candidate will possess a positive attitude, a strong stomach, nimble fingers*, and be extremely near-sighted.

*acrylic nails a plus.

Makes you want to rush out to get a business loan, no?

1 comment:

  1. Oh my goodness! Forget the scalp services industry, you have a career waiting for you in advertising and/or stand-up comedy! Holy cow, you are funny!